starting anew

i have one year under my belt... what does that feel like? good question. i'm not entirely sure. im a swirling whirlwind, trying to remember which is up and what is down. nothing seems the same as anything ever before... things are new; but there is no change. i exist, and i love, but life's been muted. somehow. with each passing day here in tokyo, i feel a little more relaxed; a little more me. but still, im not the same. there is a heavy looming spirit over this land, and i dont know what it wants. i dont know how to help, and i surely dont know how to fight. i feel weak, and apathy is a great deceiver. i wander in between spaces, just to find more questions without answers amidst the humming chaos in this metropolis. no one said this would be easy... but i guess i am just realizing my need, now more than ever it seems, to trust in the goodness of Christ. perhaps the thing that scares me most is that i seem to be forgetting...