weirdest experience of my life.

once upon a time, there was a small gathering of people in front of a stage in a city known as Tokyo. the floor was sinking and the air was stale from excited beer drinkers ready in anticipation for the lights to change and the amps to blare us into euphoria. first show. lights. costumes. 9 people. spotlight on screamo japanese guy in a long tailed tux playing a knife on a drumstick. lights. a guy on a synthesizer in a skeleton costume. lights. a very tall woman dressed in a french maids costume approaches the microphone with a bass guitar. start the violins. 2 people--a man and a woman--dressed up and playing beautifully. lights. flicker. loud screaming. flinging sweat. obnoxious drummer. keyboards and a mixing machine. costumes that are nondescript... then, lights. a man, in spandex pants and a broccoli pasted head rushes out and starts singing Latin. harmony. tall girl in french maid clad is a man. more screaming. moshing that goes bad. the crowd is bewildered. only 5 people seem to enjoy this show. this freak show. broccoli man has gnarled teeth. he begins to chant and pulls out the tambourine. violins pick up and its beautiful. then polka. then more screaming. then jazz. then funk. then ridiculous falsetto from the man in the black and white miniskirt. disco ball. fear in my heart. orchestral leading from the shirtless broccoli headed man. his nipples shook. there was a chill in the room. i was laughing unable to contain the emotions inside of me. Thank you Vampirella for such a portrait of Tokyo underground. it will NOT be easily shaken.

second act. 3 band members. drums. bass. guitar. normal clothes. drummer is a premadonna. set up took 40 minutes. for this? oh no. beautiful girl in black glitter costume approaches the mic. she sings without expression. nothing in her eyes. gloss drenching her lips. a mole on her cheek. doofy guitar licks. her "sex appeal" backfiring. boring. cute. monotonous. over it. but its the first song. feet hurt. third song ends, i pray she's finished, but all she's doing is getting a drink of water. she bends like a doll. doesn't blink. all the world's a stage. she seems to be dead inside. a doll for men to play with. and the concert continues. i fall asleep standing for the first time at a live show. it ends, and i couldn't be happier.

third act. the act i paid money for. the most lively show i have ever seen live... Anathallo. they were wonderful. they always deliver. they've got mad talent. but why, i must ask, did they play with these other RIDIC-U-LOUS bands?! its a mystery. but it gave me an odd sensation in my gut of what the real face of Tokyo night life is like...

and the fun, it just never ends...

leaving is drawing ever so near.

its a jumble. all of it. the emotions of loving it here, and the anticipation of going back. seeing the sadness on peoples faces knowing that im going, and knowing that i cannot change it or fix them. there is so much here that i am loving these days. its wonderfully whelming... and i dont know what to do with myself as dday draws nearer and nearer. its good. of course im excited to be home. dont even doubt that for a second, but its really going to be so sad to go. and thats brilliant. i didnt think it would ever end like THIS.

last night i went to a birthday party, and my friends Eric, Mari, and Moto were sad to see me go. they want to try and spend more time with me even though schedules are insane now in the christmas season...its flattering. and precious. and i love them. Eric is the kind of guy that i feel really safe with and comfortable with. we hug and say 'i love you's' and he kisses my head. mari is a christian and has been emailing me about her faith and how she prays diligently for eric to know Jesus... her words were really humbling and beautiful and i hope to show him Love. to help ease his apprehension...

for so long when i came to tokyo, i was living here, knowing that my "real life" was still in the states. well, at some point that switched and the grieving is very real and very deep. i am losing my home yet again and its a really strange feeling to REALIZE this now that its over. i have many friends that i LOVE. a community of sorts... and i dont want goodbye's to happen. i wish i could just go to save face, but t hen that would mean that i dont get any precious quality time in. so... if you know me at all, you know i will endure--push through the sad and HARD ness of it all so that i can look into every one's eyes for one last time.

here we go.

a day that shines...

what a great day! woke up and talked with my sister for a while. we haven't talked in over a week because, well, i think we were avoiding talking about the presidential election. now that its over, we can move on, in a way... which relieves me. i dont want to fight with her on our different opinions. so i headed to the train station, which involves either a 20 minute walk or a bus ride. today, i chose the bus. i noticed a man with a big suitcase (hard to miss here when everyone looks at you like they are so inconvenienced you brought luggage with you to a public place!) we both headed to the bakery for a make-shift breakfast--a coffee and a something small to eat--and he started talking to me! it was great. he was really interesting; living in Shanghai but Japanese and is tri-lingual. he works a lot, and whenever he has time off, he goes out of country to see more of the world. how wonderful. i love meeting people like him... and really, there are MANY of them. as far as you leave america to find them? heheh, who knows.

so anyway, i went across town to meet a friend for a date at the museum. It was this exhibit i have been wanting to see for over a month called "The Poetry of Silence" by Vilhelm Hammershoi. It was SO GOOD. there were some great pieces. he used oil well to depict light in his dark landscapes and portraits... sometimes using people... but always using doors and tricks of light and beautiful furniture. it was intoxicating. Yasuko and i just stared and gasped as the 90 different paintings passed us by. it was too much fun! Here are a few of my favorites:



mmm, im inspired to create again. its been a while, but its pumping through me and needs to escape! i love this feeling... its been gone for FAR TOO LONG.

We then headed to lunch... MEXICAN! it was REALLY good... i haven't had such authentic mexican food in all the 2+ years here in Japan! sure, if it were in america, i wouldn't think it were that great at all, but here, wow. delectable! :) as we started eating, 2 foreigners sat down and they seemed nice. Yasuko and i were talking a bit about the Obama/McCain election, and they started talking with us about the issue! i told them I voted Obama, and they were so excited! that started a complete snowball of conversation. We talked about many things, and actually, i learned some things about them too! it was great... yasuko and i agreed that we LOVE older friends--like parents--because they are willing to let you be you, but they offer wisdom and life experience to match what you are walking in yourself. its a beautiful portrait of community. and we love it. as we parted, we did the western thing of HUGGING. hehee, so happy... i never hug anymore. but it always feels like home when i get to. then they invited us to their home in Massachusettes if ever we find ourselves on that side of the globe. i love new friends!

We did a little shopping and some TEA. mmm. lovely. and great conversation! why couldn't we have met and known one another for longer than just these past few months?!

Heading off our different directions and saying goodbye was good because we decided that next weekend, we're going to go hiking in which case i am taking my sketch book, and she's taking her camera. its all about inspiring creativity. and we're excited! got to make the best of my time here while it lasts, eh?!

then, to jiyugaoka to be with Abby and Jason. We always have a great time of laughing and conversing about all different kinds of topics. i feel so comfortable with them and love sharing life with them. already, i am starting to miss them. but i guess thats too mushy to start saying by now... all i know is that i think they are wonderful (and no, im not just saying that because i know you read my blog!!)

i loved my day. its fall. its cool. people are everywhere, walking around with their own stories and their own beliefs of love and where to find hope. its interesting. and i feel like the world is just one LARGE book waiting for me to peel back the pages and jump right in. excuse me for doing so, huh? its lovely. all of it.

last night was good times. we celebrated Mike's birthday here and ate yummy food. it was great... hummus and yummy breads and cheeses, and weird/delicious pastas and salads and jumpy meatballs and spicy soups. it was nice. its fun to fine these hideaways where i forget im in this city and feel my defenses lower. PLUS, its a great way to watch schmoozers with horrible "game" and girls that try TOO HARD to be cute showing too much flesh or wearing WRONG bras that shape their schtuff into literal shelves... im just quoting Mike...