on teeter totters.

when i was a little girl, i nearly had to pay my big sister to play with me. we could have had such fun, but i was too little for so long that by the time i was play-able, she was over it. she didn't need me, she had a system. (it probably helped that when i was not quite 3 and i was pushing her on our rinky dink jungle gym out in the back yard, my two front teeth got knocked out by her feet when i thought i'd go "underdog" style. i mean, all the big kids did it. QUESTION: how in the world, at that age, did i know what the big kids were doing? was i just obnoxiously perceptive? probably not, but what...?

i remember never getting to teeter totter. not until college. and that, my friends is sad. because there is a lot of wisdom in the experience of a teeter totter.

i've said this before, but really truly, what a ride this proves to be. i am so close to claiming the "2 year mark" and it baffles me. time is SO tricky... like, yes. i have been here FOREVER. but really? didn't i just start? how do i know so much of the language and feel so comfortable in the everyday of living in an entirely different country? its brilliant really. the feeling of taming something that seemed to be such a beast. of course, if you know me at all, you know it hasn't been just a lovely gay time. i've been knocked around, and i often think im the person eluded to in stories about the poor kid still running the race after everyone goes home. i'm still running, thats true, but man its exhausting. so fuse that together with my confusion of feeling like i just got here and it gets quite confusing. because if it were true that i did, in fact, just get here... i am REALLY dramatic. but, if i honestly HAVE been here, and have experienced all of THIS that is bobbing about within me, well, then, i say, its time to get home.