its a jumble. all of it. the emotions of loving it here, and the anticipation of going back. seeing the sadness on peoples faces knowing that im going, and knowing that i cannot change it or fix them. there is so much here that i am loving these days. its wonderfully whelming... and i dont know what to do with myself as dday draws nearer and nearer. its good. of course im excited to be home. dont even doubt that for a second, but its really going to be so sad to go. and thats brilliant. i didnt think it would ever end like THIS.
last night i went to a birthday party, and my friends Eric, Mari, and Moto were sad to see me go. they want to try and spend more time with me even though schedules are insane now in the christmas season...its flattering. and precious. and i love them. Eric is the kind of guy that i feel really safe with and comfortable with. we hug and say 'i love you's' and he kisses my head. mari is a christian and has been emailing me about her faith and how she prays diligently for eric to know Jesus... her words were really humbling and beautiful and i hope to show him Love. to help ease his apprehension...
for so long when i came to tokyo, i was living here, knowing that my "real life" was still in the states. well, at some point that switched and the grieving is very real and very deep. i am losing my home yet again and its a really strange feeling to REALIZE this now that its over. i have many friends that i LOVE. a community of sorts... and i dont want goodbye's to happen. i wish i could just go to save face, but t hen that would mean that i dont get any precious quality time in. so... if you know me at all, you know i will endure--push through the sad and HARD ness of it all so that i can look into every one's eyes for one last time.
here we go.
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3 comments:
i love you very much.
Hi how are you? I was looking through your blog and I was inspired and impressed with your posts and writing.
I have a blog here in Southern California at San Diego and I try to look for new friends who will visit and comment.
I think you may appreciate my different labels and music videos that I use for my posts.
I also install my art, as it is my High Art blog, however, I have an international audience and you could really meet some of the neatest people through my blog.
I hope to hear from you soon and take care... :)
i'm pretty sure you're gonna be real intentional about this whole thing.
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